Twenty Reasons Why Chocolate Is Better Than Sex

1) You can GET chocolate.

2) "If you love me you'll swallow that" has real meaning with chocolate.

3) Chocolate satisfies even when it has gone soft.

4) You can safely have chocolate while you are driving.

5) You can make chocolate last as long as you want it to.

6) You can have chocolate even in front of your mother.

7) If you bite the nuts too hard the chocolate won't mind.

8) Two people of the same sex can have chocolate without being called nasty names.

9) The word "commitment" doesn't scare off chocolate.

10) You can have chocolate on top of your workbench/desk during working hours without upsetting your co-workers.

11) You can ask a stranger for chocolate without getting your face slapped.

12) You don't get hairs in your mouth with chocolate.

13) With chocolate there's no need to fake it.

14) Chocolate doesn't make you pregnant.

15) You can have chocolate at anytime of the month.

16) Good chocolate is easy to find.

17) You can have as many kinds of chocolate as you can handle.

18) You are never too young or too old for chocolate.

19) When you have chocolate it does not keep your neighbors awake.

20) With chocolate size doesn't matter.

TechSmith Camtasia Studio 5 Final

TechSmith Camtasia Studio 5 Final

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TechSmith.Camtasia.Studio.v5.1.0.505.Incl.Keymaker.upped.by.lee_yah.rar.html

Read Mobile Phone Secrets & Tricks

Mobile Phone Secrets & Tricks


.:: NOKIA ::.

Nokia Universal Codes

Code Description :
These Nokia codes will work on most Nokia Mobile Phones

(1) *3370# Activate Enhanced Full Rate Codec (EFR) - Your phone uses the best sound quality but talk time is reduced my approx. 5%

(2) #3370# Deactivate Enhanced Full Rate Codec (EFR) OR *3370# ( F avourite )

(3) *#4720# Activate Half Rate Codec - Your phone uses a lower quality sound but you should gain approx 30% more Talk Time.

(4) *#4720# Deactivate Half Rate Codec.

(5) *#0000# Displays your phones software version, 1st Line : Software Version, 2nd Line : Software Release Date, 3rd Line : Compression Type. ( Favourite )

(6) *#9999# Phones software version if *#0000# does not work.

(7) *#06# For checking the International Mobile Equipment Identity (IMEI Number). ( Favourite )

( #pw+1234567890+1# Provider Lock Status. (use the "*" button to obtain the "p,w"
and "+" symbols).

(9) #pw+1234567890+2# Network Lock Status. (use the "*" button to obtain the "p,w"
and "+" symbols).

(10) #pw+1234567890+3# Country Lock Status. (use the "*" button to obtain the "p,w"
and "+" symbols).

(11) #pw+1234567890+4# SIM Card Lock Status. (use the "*" button to obtain the "p,w"
and "+" symbols).

(12) *#147# (vodafone) this lets you know who called you last.

(13) *#1471# Last call (Only vodofone).

(14) *#21# Allows you to check the number that "All Calls" are diverted to

(15) *#2640# Displays security code in use.

(16) *#30# Lets you see the private number.

(17) *#43# Allows you to check the "Call Waiting" status of your phone.

(1 *#61# Allows you to check the number that "On No Reply" calls are diverted to.

(19) *#62# Allows you to check the number that "Divert If Unreachable (no service)" calls
are diverted to.

(20) *#67# Allows you to check the number that "On Busy Calls" are diverted to.

(21) *#67705646# Removes operator logo on 3310 & 3330.

(22) *#73# Reset phone timers and game scores.

(23) *#746025625# Displays the SIM Clock status, if your phone supports this power saving feature "SIM Clock Stop Allowed", it means you will get the best standby time possible.

(24) *#7760# Manufactures code.

(25) *#7780# Restore factory settings.

(26) *#8110# Software version for the nokia 8110.

(27) *#92702689# Displays - 1.Serial Number, 2.Date Made, 3.Purchase Date, 4.Date of last repair (0000 for no repairs), 5.Transfer User Data. To exit this mode you need to switch your phone off then on again. ( Favourite )

(2 *#94870345123456789# Deactivate the PWM-Mem.

(29) **21*number# Turn on "All Calls" diverting to the phone number entered.

(30) **61*number# Turn on "No Reply" diverting to the phone number entered.

(31) **67*number# Turn on "On Busy" diverting to the phone number entered.

(32) 12345 This is the default security code.

press and hold # Lets you switch between lines

NOKIA 5110/5120/5130/5190

IMEI number: * # 0 6 #
Software version: * # 0 0 0 0 #
Simlock info: * # 9 2 7 0 2 6 8 9 #
Enhanced Full Rate: * 3 3 7 0 # [ # 3 3 7 0 # off]
Half Rate: * 4 7 2 0 #
Provider lock status: #pw+1234567890+1
Network lock status #pw+1234567890+2
Provider lock status: #pw+1234567890+3
SimCard lock status: #pw+1234567890+4

NOKIA 6110/6120/6130/6150/6190

IMEI number: * # 0 6 #
Software version: * # 0 0 0 0 #
Simlock info: * # 9 2 7 0 2 6 8 9 #
Enhanced Full Rate: * 3 3 7 0 # [ # 3 3 7 0 # off]
Half Rate: * 4 7 2 0 #

NOKIA 3110

IMEI number: * # 0 6 #
Software version: * # 0 0 0 0 # or * # 9 9 9 9 # or * # 3 1 1 0 #
Simlock info: * # 9 2 7 0 2 6 8 9 #

NOKIA 3330

*#06#
This will show your warranty details *#92702689#
*3370#
Basically increases the quality of calling sound, but decreases battery length.
#3370#
Deactivates the above
*#0000#
Shows your software version
*#746025625#This shows if your phone will allow sim clock stoppage
*4370#
Half Rate Codec activation. It will automatically restart
#4370#
Half Rate Codec deactivation. It will automatically restart
Restore Factory Settings
To do this simply use this code *#7780#
Manufacturer Info
Date of Manufacturing *#3283#
*3001#12345# (TDMA phones only)

This will put your phone into programming mode, and you'll be presented with the programming menu.
2) Select "NAM1"
3) Select "PSID/RSID"
4) Select "P/RSID 1"
Note: Any of the P/RSIDs will work
5) Select "System Type" and set it to Private
6) Select "PSID/RSID" and set it to 1
7) Select "Connected System ID"
Note: Enter your System ID for Cantel, which is 16401 or 16423. If you don't know yours,
ask your local dealer for it.
Select "Alpha Tag"
9) Enter a new tag, then press OK
10) Select "Operator Code (SOC)" and set it to 2050
11) Select "Country Code" and set it to 302 for Canada, and 310 for the US.
12) Power down the phone and power it back on again
ISDN Code
To check the ISDN number on your Nokia use this code *#92772689#


.:: Ericsson ::.

Ericson T65

*#05# Fake Insert puk screen Press no to exit

Ericsson T20


Ericsson T20

MENU tecnichal Info
[type] >*<<*<*

Displays :
1] Info service
1] Info SW
2] Info hardware
3] SIMlock
4]setup


2] Service setup
1] Contrast

3]Service Test
1] Display
2]Leds
3]Keyboard
4] ringer
5] Vibration
6]Headset
7] Microphone
8]Clock
4] Names List

MENU info
[Type] >*<<**<
Network and Subnetwork : NCK and NSCK

Ericsson T28

>*<<*<* menu Tecnichal info
SW vers. and name list
>*<<**<>
Network and Subnetwork : NCK and NSCK
<> are the right and left menu's keys

Ericsson T18s/T10/A1018s

>*<<*<* software
CXC125065 Internal product code
PRG
970715 1515 Software version and SW rev.
<* CLR <><**
>*<<*<*> Displays texts and messages in the phone
It will be displayed " TEXT " then push YES
<> are the right and left menu's keys
!!!><**
Control /Enable SIM Lock!!!

Ericsson R310

Technical Info : >*<<*<*
Options :
1) service Info
info Software
Simlock
Configuration

2) Service Test
Display
Led/Illumination
Keyboard
ringer
Vibration
Headset
Microphone
Clock

3)Text's name List
Info personal : >*<<**<

SIM Locking ( 8 digits' code ) ( it could harm your phone )
1) Network
2) Subnetwork
3) SP
4) Corporate

.:: Siemens ::.

Siemens C25

IMEI number: * # 0 6 #
Software version: put off sim card and enter: : * # 0 6 # and press LONG KEY
Bonus screen: in phone booke: + 1 2 0 2 2 2 4 3 1 2 1


.:: Bosch ::.

IMEI Number: * # 0 6 #
Dafault Language: * # 0 0 0 0 #
Net Monitor: * # 3 2 6 2 2 5 5 * 8 3 7 8 #

.::Alcatel ::.

IMEI number: * # 0 6 #
Software version: * # 0 6 #
Net Monitor: 0 0 0 0 0 0 *


.:: Samsung ::.

Samsung SGH600/2100DB

IMEI number: * # 0 6 #
Software version: * # 9 9 9 9 # albo * # 0 8 3 7 #
Net Monitor: * # 0 3 2 4 #
Chaning LCD contrast: * # 0 5 2 3 #
Memory info: * # 0 3 7 7 # albo * # 0 2 4 6 #
Reset pamieci (SIMLOCK`a removing!!!): *2767*3855#
Reset pamieci CUSTOM: *2767*2878#
Battery state: * # 9 9 9 8 * 2 2 8 #
Alarm beeper: *#9998*289#
Vibra test: *#9998*842#

.:: Dancall ::.

IMEI number: * # 0 6 #
Software version: * # 9 9 9 9 #

.:: Philips ::.

*#3333*# Displays the blocking list.
*#7489*# Displays the security code.
*#06# Displays the IMEI number.
*#8377*# Displays the SW info.

.:: Panasonic ::.

Panasonic gd90 gd93

*#9999# SW - Type the code on switch on , during network seek
-Vers. SW and production code
Enable ringing and vibration contemporarily
Enable vibration with # then increase volume with "tone menu "

Panasonic gd70

*#9999# SW - Type the code on switch on , during network seek
-Vers. SW and production code
Enable ringing and vibration contemporarily
Enable vibration with # then increase volume with "tone menu "

.:: Acer ::.

Acer V 750

*#400# Display Adc/ Set Cal-Value -
*#402# Set LCD Contrast
*#403# Display Errors Info
*#300# Display Info Hw & Sw
*#301# Menu Test
*#302# Menu Acoustics
*#303# (Settings saved) Set English language?
*#307# Menu Engineering
*#311# Reset Phone Code - [ Also reset Security Codes ! ]
*#330# (Execute not success) [ unknown ]
*#331# (Service deactivated) [ unknown ]
*#332# (Service unavailable)[ unknown ]
*#333# (Execute not success)[ unknown ]
*#351# (Service unavailable) [ unknown ]
*#360# (Invalid input)[ unknown ]
*#361# (Invalid input) [ unknown ]
*#362# (Invalid input) [ unknown ]
*#363# (Invalid input) [ unknown ]

.:: Genie ::.

Genie DB

*#06# IMEI.
*#2254*# Near Cell Mode.

For every received BTS will be displayed :
Current channel and 2 channel levels

*#06# IMEI
*#2558# time of network connection ( D/H/M )
*#2562# Fores reconnection to network
!!!*#7489# Dispalys and modify phones' security code!!!
!!!*#3377# SIM lock information !!!
*#7378# SIM card Informations : supported phase name and tipe
*#7693# Enable/disable "Sleep Mode"
*#8463# State of "Sleep Mode"
*#2255# Debug Call Mode enable/disable
*#3333*# Displays the blocking list.
*#7489*# Displays the security code
*#06# Displays the IMEI number
*#8377*# Displays the SW info.

.:: NEC ::.

NEC db2000

*#2820# software vers.
IMEI *#06#
Reset *73738# (send?)
SP Lock info:
* # 3210 # (send?)
Network barring info : *#8140# (send?)
( it could harm your phone )
SIM lock it could harm your phone )
*#4960 # (send?) -Inquiry * 4960 * password * password # (send?) lock
#4960* password # (send?) unlock
[password] [8 digits]
Net Lock
*#7320# (send?) -Inquiry * 7320 * password * password # (send?) lock
#7320* password # (send?) unlock
[password] [ 8 digits]
Net Lock 2:
*#2220# (invio) - Inquiry * 2220 * password * password # (send?) lock
#2220* password # (invio?)unlock
[password] [8 digits]
Unlock subnetwork
*#1110# (send?) - inquiry * 1110 * password * password # (send?) lock
#1110* password # (send?) unlock
[password] [n� 8 cifre]
( it could harm your phone )

.:: Trium ::.

Trium Geo/Geo @ - Astral - Cosmo -Aria

Enter the menu and type *
A new menu will be displayed :
Application : SW version and battery's voltage


Trium Galaxy
Push * and type 5806: Production date and SW version

.:: Telit ::.

Telit GM 810

MONITOR - technical menu - : type ++++ and push OK.
Adiacent cells list : # and *
Now if you push OK the phone displays battery ' s voltage and temperature

.:: Sagem ::.

Sagem MC959/940

Select commands' menu and push *
Displays a new menu' :
Appli : software vers. and battery's voltage
Eprom
Sim Lock
Test LCD: display test , green/red and vibration

Sagem MC920

Select commands' menu and push *
Displays 5 new menus :

1 APPLI
VERSION ( SW)
BATTERY (voltage )
2 PROM (IMEI)
3!!! SIM LOCK (10 digits code requested ) !!!
4- NETWORK (returns : OPTION NOT AVAILABLE)
5- TEST LCD
SYMBOL 1 (LCD)
SYMBOL 2 (test2 LCD)
BLACK (all icons and carachters displayed )
FOR PHOTO (welcome message and time )
VIBRATOR (vibration test )

.:: Sony ::.

Sony CMD Z5/J5

Vers. SW :
Without SIM , switch on phone and type l *#7353273#

.:: Eprom ::.


!!! Sim Lock [10 digits code ] ( it could harm your phone )
NETWORK : OPTION NOT AVAILABLE
Test LCD: display test of the green/red leds and vibration
Push * and type 4329 :enables/disables network monitor 1 (the same of MT35)
Push * and type 621342 :enables/disables network monitor 2
Push * and type 5807 : Serial Number Software Vers.
Push * and type 936505: IMEI -- Software Vers.
TPush * and type 547 : Test serial Data Cable DISPLAYS :"Testmode"
Push * and type 362628: ISMI BLOCK (UNKNOWN)
Push * and type 476989: NS BLOCK (UNKNOWN)
Push * and type 482896:CP BLOCK (UNKNOWN)
Push * and type 787090: ? BLOCK (UNKNOWN)
Push * and type 787292 : block current network
!!! Push * and type 967678: SP LOCK!!!
Push * and type 850696:Warm Start ( ENABLE/DISABLE)
Push * and type 3926 : Swicth off phone
Push * and type 5806: Production date and SW version

.:: Motorola ::.

Motorola V3688

IMEI *#06#
Enhanced Full Rate Codec EFR
Enable EFR : [][][] 119 [] 1 [] OK.
disable EFR : [][][] 119 [] 0 [] OK


Tips and Tricks ::.

Send an E-mail from your GSM

From your telephone you can send an email to whichever E-mail customer of the Internet network.

The e-mail will be sent to the maximum of within an hour from the reception.

The sended message will contain in luminosity the telephone number of the sender.

In order for sending e-mail, send an SMS with this syntax (always separated by spaces):

EMA name@domain text-of-your-email

Example: in order to send an email to john@doe.com , do the following:

EMA john@doe.com text-of-your-email

if your phone cant print @ replace it with a !

EMA johon!doe.com text-of-your-email

And then send this message to the folloving number: +39 338 8641732

Free SMS Center numbers


From your telephone you can send SMS messages of 160 char. max. to another GSM phone

Your message will be sent through an SMS Center (usually the one that gave your provider)

You pay a little fee depending of your provider, BUT YOU WILL HAVE TO PAY something

In order for sending SMS without paying anything, you got to change your SMS Center number with these one

+491722270300 or +358405202999 or +352021100003

Codes (that they dont tell you in the manual)

To check the IMEI (International Mobile Equipment Identity) type: *#06#

Information you get from the IMEI:
XXXXXX XX XXXXXX X
TAC FAC SNR SP

TAC = Type Approval Code (first 2 digits = country code).

FAC = Final Assembly Code (For Nokia phonfiltered=10).

SNR = Serial Number.

SP = Spare (always SP=0).

To check the phone's software (firmware revision information) type: *#0000# ( or for some phones outher then Nokia 61XX you can try *#model nummber# ex. for 8110 *#8110#)

Information you can get from the phone's software version:
V 3.14
28-11-97
NSE-3

1st line: Software version.
2nd line: The date of the software release.
3nd line: Phone type, .

Some versions and dates:

V 3.14 28/11/97

V4.33 11/03/98

V 4.73 22/04/98

V 5.24 14/9/98

Pin-Out Diagram for the 6110

1 - VIN CHARGER INPUT VOLTAGE 8.4V 0.8A
2 - CHRG CTRL CHARGER CONTROL PWM 32Khz
3 - XMIC MIC INPUT 60mV - 1V
4 - SGND SIGNAL GROUND
5 - XEAR EAR OUTPUT 80mV - 1V
6 - MBUS 9600 B/S
7 - FBUS_RX 9.6 - 230.4 KB/S
8 - FBUS_TX 9.6 - 230.4 KB/S
9 - L_GND CHARGER / LOGIC GND

Revealing Headphone and Car-Kit Menus

Think about this: If you do these tricks the new menus can not be erased after the procedure. But it's not dangerous or harmful for your phone

To enable the headset-function, you have to short-circuit the "3" and "4". After a short time there is "Headset" on the display Now, menu 3-6 is now enabled!

To enable the carkit-function you have to short-circuit the "4" and "5". After a short time, "Car" is shown on the display and the menu 3-7 is enabled!!

This Trick is for you how want to hear more then your supposed to !

If you short-circuit the left and the right contact with the middle contact ("3", "6" and "9") the Nokia Software hangs! The profile "Headset" will be activated. Before you do this, just active the "auto call receive" function in the headphone profile and set the ringing volume to "mute" Now you can use your phone for checking out what people are talking about in a room. Place the phone somewhere stratidic and call your phone! The phone receives the call without ringing and you can listen to what people are talking about! .....gr8...

Serial numbers on your 6110

For more info type: *#92702689#
The first screen gives you the serial and IMEI number.
Then there is the Date of Manufacture: ex. Made 1297
Then there is the Purchasing Date: ex. Purchasing Date 0298
Then there is the last Repair Date: ex. Repaired: 0000

Note: you must turn off the phone to exit after this test, because of the last function, "transfer user data" which doesn't work as "standard"....You can use this mode only to transfer all Calender, Profile and Callers Group Information to another phone (eg. if you are replacing phone or configuring phones for use within your company or when a particular phone doesn't works correctly )

Activating and deactivating EFR and HFR, on your 6110

*3370# to activate Enhanced Full Rate - Makes calls sound better, but decreases the battery life by about 5%.

#3370# to deactivate Enhanced Full Rate

*4720# to activate Half Rate Mode - Drops call quality, but increases battery life by about 30%.

#4720# to deactivate Half Rate Mode

WinRAR 4.65 Full.exe

Here is latest winrar 4.65 2007 full, with a completely new interface!

WinRAR introduces an original compression algorithm. It allows higher compression ratios than other PC archiving tools, especially for executable files, object libraries, large text files, etc.

* WinRAR offers an optional compression algorithm highly optimized for multimedia data.

* WinRAR supports files and archives up to 9,223,372,036,854,775,807 bytes in size, about 9000PB. The number of archived files is unlimited for all practical purposes.

* WinRAR provides complete support for RAR and ZIP 2.0 archives and is able to unpack CAB, ARJ, LZH, TAR, GZ, ACE, UUE, BZ2, JAR, ISO, Z, 7Z archives.

* WinRAR supports NTFS file security and data streams.

* WinRAR offers both a classic interactive Windows interface and the command line interface.

* WinRAR provides functionality for creating a 'solid' archive, which can raise the compression ratio by 10% - 50% over more common methods, particularly when packing large numbers of small files.

* WinRAR offers the ability to create and change SFX archives using default and external SFX modules.

* WinRAR offers the ability to create a multi-volume archive as SFX.

* WinRAR offers a number of service functions, such as setting a password, adding archive and file comments. Even physically damaged archives may be repaired and an archive may be locked to prevent further changes. Authenticity information may be added for additional security and WinRAR will store information on the last update and name of the archive.

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DVD RIP - smartmovies format

This is a smartmovie format (for cell phone ). You can watch this direct/save to your cell phone.You can view/open the files after you download it and you have a winrar application so you can play/open the files. If you have questions and you don't know how to do it, you can leave a comments here. Thanks!

OVER HER DEAD BODY

OVER HER DEAD BODY: Trailer

http://rapidshare.com/files/117388600/
over.her.dead.body.dvdrip.xvid-imbt.part1.sm.lee.rar.html

http://rapidshare.com/files/117403212/
over.her.dead.body.dvdrip.xvid-imbt.part2.sm.yah.rar.html







THE FORBIDDEN KINGDOM

Stars Jacky Chan and Jet Li. A discovery made by a kung fu obsessed American teen sends him on an adventure to China, where he joins up with a band of martial arts warriors in order to free the imprisoned Monkey King.

The Forbidden Kingdom: trailer



http://rapidshare.com/files/114977201/
tfk.SM.dvdrip.upped.by.lee_yah.part1.rar


http://rapidshare.com/files/114946054/
tfk.SM.dvdrip.upped.by.lee_yah.part2.rar






THE HOTTIE AND THE NOTTIE



The Hottie and The Nottie Movie: Trailer




http://rapidshare.com/files/117414579/
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http://rapidshare.com/files/117474637/
hottie.nottie.SM.leeyah.part2.rar.html

Set in Sin City, story revolves around two people who discover they’ve gotten married following a night of debauchery, with one of them winning a huge jackpot after playing the other’s quarter. Unhappy pair try to undermine each other and get their hands on the money — falling in love along the way.

r5 DVD RIP xvid.avi (not smartmovie)

what.happens.in.vegas.r5.xvid.upped.by.lee_yah.part1.rar
http://www.filefactory.com/file/999652/

what.happens.in.vegas.r5.xvid.upped.by.lee_yah.part2.rar
http://www.filefactory.com/file/4c153a/

what.happens.in.vegas.r5.xvid.upped.by.lee_yah.part3.rar
http://www.filefactory.com/file/467d5d/

http://rapidshare.com/files/107846144/HHH.KingofKings.Jovrea27.P1of3.Sm.avi

Romantic Acronyms

H.O.L.L.A.N.D
Hope Our Love Lasts And Never Dies.

I.T.A.L.Y.
I Trust And Love You.

L.I.B.Y.A.
Love Is Beautiful; You Also.

F.R.A.N.C.E.
Friendships Remain And Never Can End.

C.H.I.N.A.
Come Here.. I Need Affection.

B.U.R.M.A.
Between Us, Remember Me Always.

I.N.D.I.A.
I Nearly Died In Adoration.

K.E.N.Y.A.
Keep Everything Nice, Yet Arousing.

C.A.N.A.D.A.
Cute And Naughty Action that Developed into Attraction

K.O.R.E.A.
Keep Optimistic Regardless of Every Adversity.

E.G.Y.P.T.
Everything's Great, You Pretty Thing!

R.U.S.S.I.A.
Romance Under the Sky & Stars is Intimate Always.

M.A.N.I.L.A.
May All Nights Inspire Love Always.

B.A.L.I.W.A.G.
Beauty And Love I Will Always Give.

M.A.L.A.B.O.N.
May A Lasting Affair Be Ours Now.

I.M.U.S.
I Miss U, Sweetheart.

P.A.S.I.G.
Please Always Say I'm Gorgeous.

C.E.B.U.
Change Everything... But Us.

P.E.R.U.
Porget Everyone... Remember Us.

P.A.R.A.N.A.Q.U.E.
Please Always Remain Adorable, Nice And Quiet Under Ecstacy.

T.O.N.D.O.
Tonight's Our Night, Dearest One.

P.A.S.A.Y.
Pretty And Sexy Are You.

Y.E.M.E.N.
'Yugyugan Every Morning, Every Night.

M.A.R.L.B.O.R.O.
Men Always Remember Love Because Of Romance Only.

J.A.P.A.N
Jump And Play All Night

P.H.I.L.I.P.P.I.N.E.S.
Pumping Hot.. I Love It! Please Please.. I Need Erotic
Stimulation!

why I want to live in the Philippines?

here it is.....

It is the only place on earth where...

1. Every street has a basketball court.

2. Even doctors, lawyers and engineers are unemployed.

3. Doctors study to become nurses for employment abroad.

4. Students pay more money than they will earn afterwards.

5. School is considered the second home and the mall considered the
third.

6. Call-center employees earn more money than teachers and nurses.

7. Everyone has his personal ghost story and superstition.

8. Mountains like Makiling and Banahaw are considered holy places.

9. Everything can be forged.

10. All kinds of animals are edible.

11. Starbucks coffee is more expensive than gas.

12. Driving 4 kms can take as much as four hours.

13. Flyovers bring you from the freeway to the side streets.

14. Crossing the street involves running for your dear life.

15. The personal computer is mainly used for games and Friendster.

16. Where colonial mentality is dishonestly denied!

17. Where 4 a.m. is not even considered bedtime yet.

18. People can pay to defy the law.

19. Everything and everyone is spoofed.

20. Where even the poverty-stricken get to wear Ralph Lauren and Tommy Hilfiger (peke)!

21. The honking of car horns is a way of life.

22. Being called a bum is never offensive.

23. Floodwaters take up more than 90 percent of the streets during the rainy season.

24. Where everyone has a relative abroad who keeps them alive.

25. Where wearing your national colors make you baduy.

26. Where even the poverty-stricken have the latest cell phones.
(GSM-galing sa magnanakaw)

27. Where insurance does not work.

28. Where water can only be classified as tap and dirty.

29. Clean water is for sale (35 pesos per gallon).

30. Where the government makes the people pray for miracles. (Amen to
that!)

31. Where University of the Philippines is where all the weird people
go.

32. Ateneo is where all the nerds go.

33. La Salle is where all the Chinese go.

34. College of Saint Benilde is where all the stupid Chinese go and;

35. University of Asia and the Pacific is where all the irrelevantly
rich people go.

36. Fast food is a diet meal.

37. Traffic signs are merely suggestions, not regulations.

38. Where being mugged is normal and it happens to everyone.

39. Rodents are normal house pets.

40. The definition of traffic is the 'non-movement' of vehicles.

41. Where the fighter planes of the 1940s are used for military
engagements.

42. The new fighter planes are displayed in museums.

43. Where alcohol and cigarettes are a necessity; and where the
lottery is a commodity.

44. Where soap operas tell the realities of life and where the news
provides the drama.

45. Where actors make the rules and where politicians provide the
entertainment.

46. People can get away with stealing trillions of pesos but not a
thousand.

47. Where being an hour late is still considered punctual
(Grabe talaga 'to!)

48. Where the squatters have more to complain (even if they do not pay their tax)

- than those employed and have their tax automatically deducted from
their salaries.

49. And where everyone wants to leave the country!


FILIPINO SIGNS OF WIT:

1. The sign in a flower shop in Diliman called "Petal Attraction".

2. "Anita Bakery"

3. A 24-hour restaurant called "Doris Day & Night"

4. Barber shop called "Felix The Cut";

5. A bakery named "Bread Pitt"

6. Fast-food place selling 'maruya' (banana fritters) called "Maruya
Carey".

7. Then, there is "Christopher Plumbing"

8. A boutique called "The Way We Wear"

9. A video rental shop called "Leon King Video Rental"

10. A restaurant in Cainta district of Rizal called "Caintacky Fried
Chicken"

11. A local burger restaurant called "Mang Donald's" (San Fdo, La
Union )

12. A doughnut shop called "MacDonuts"

13. A shop selling 'lumpia' (egg roll) in Makati called "Wrap and
Roll"

14. And two butcher shops called " Meating Place and Meatropolis".

Smart travelers can decipher what may look like baffling signs to
unaccustomed foreigners by simply sounding out the 'Taglish'
(The Philippine version of English words spelled and pronounced with a
heavy Filipino such as:

15. At a restaurant menu in Cebu :

We hab sopdrink in can an in batol? [Translation: ?We have soft drinks
in can and in bottle].

16. Then, there is a sewing accessories shop called Bids And Pises -
[translation: Beads and Pieces ?--or-- Bits and Pieces]

There are also many signs with either badly chosen or ?misspelled
words but they are usually so entertaining that it would be a mistake to
'correct' them like.......

17. In a restaurant in Baguio City , the 'summer capital' of the
Philippines :

Wanted: Boy Waitress

18. on a highway in Pampanga:

We Make Modern Antique Furniture

19. On the window of a photography shop in Cabanatuan :

We Shoot You While You Wait

20. And on the glass front of a cafe in Panay Avenue in Manila :

Wanted: Waiter, Cashier, Washier

Some of the notices can even give a wrong impression such as:

21. A shoe store in Pangasinan which has a sign saying:

We Sell Imported Robber Shoes? (These could be the 'sneakiest'
sneakers);

22. A rental property sign in Jaro reads:

House for Rent, Fully Furnaced (It must really be hot inside)!

23. Occasionally, one could come across signs that are truly unique -
if not altogether odd.

City in southern Philippines which said: Adults: 1 peso; Child: 50
centavos; Cadavers: fare subject to negotiation.

24. European tourists may also be intrigued to discover two competing

shops selling hopia (a Chinese pastry) called Holland Hopia and
Poland Hopia - which are owned and operated by two local Chinese
entrepreneurs, Mr. Ho and Mr. Po respectively - (believe it or not)!

25. Some folks also 'creatively' redesign English to be more
efficient. The creative confusion between language and culture leads to more than
just simple unintentional errors in syntax, but in the adoption of new words,
says reader Robert Goodfellow who came across a sign.....
House Fersallarend' (house for sale or rent). Why use five words when
two will do?

26. According to Manila businessman, Tonyboy Ongsiako, there is so
much wit in the Philippines . Why? Because we are in a country where a good
sense of humor is needed to survive. We have a 24-hour comedy show here called
the government and a huge reserve of comedians made up mostly of
politicians and bad actors.

Now I ask you where else in the world would one want to live?



"The best things in life are free but when life hands you lemons, ask
for tequila and salt and call me over! "

enjoy!!!!